Customer Service SUCKS

So mostly everybody has worked in Customer Service. If you haven’t, you suck and the world has been on your side. Anyways, Customer Service is one of the most interesting jobs I have ever had. Not because of the work, but just with dealing with crazy ass people. I worked in Circulation (Front desk/Receptionist) for the Summer when I was 18 and when I left school at 20. I’ve worked in every department except for Editorial. So there’s my history at the paper; I grew up here from the age of 8.

Here are some basic shit that goes down:

  • On rainy days, people decide to bring in their WET papers and put them down on the counter. And they then explain that their paper is wet. Thank you, customer, for thinking that I needed actual proof that your paper is wet and drenched.
  • People getting furious that their subscription has stopped because of nonpay; and having to pay for grace. I will get further into this.
  • Old people calling about not getting their paper, and they can’t understand a word you are saying so you have to yell into the phone.
  • Customers giving you $100 just to pay for 1 month, or $20 for one paper.
  • Just CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!


Story One:

I remember this story VIVIDLY. So I live in the South, parents are from the North and I was born in the North. I’m not very Southern. Okay, so one day it was raining. This woman comes in with a plastic sack full, and in my head I’m thinking “This bitch really had to bring in a FULL bag of wet papers.” Then as she is walking in, I look closely at her bag and it looks similar to fish? All I’m thinking is “Is she holding a bag of fish?”

So she walks in and says to my coworker and I “Are you girls ready to work?” And I’m just confused like yeah I guess to throw away your wet papers? She then put the sack onto my side of the counter. You know what was in the plastic Walmart bag? FUCKING FISH. FISH. IN A PLASTIC BAG.

I am so mind blown and I’m sure the look on my face was priceless. She then asks for a photographer. (In the South, at least, people like pictures to be put in the paper from their hunting/fishing adventures.) So I call Editorial to let them know.

She then takes out a plastic garbage bag and lays it down on my side of the counter (yes I know you know I said my side of the counter, CAUSE IT JUST HAS TO BE MY SIDE OF THE COUNTER!!!!!!!). She proceeds to take out fish out of the bag and lays each fish onto the garbage bag. The smell was something I will never be able to forget. Oh also, THE FISH WERE STILL MOVING.

After that I had to wipe down the counter a million times. Smelled like cleaning products and fish. Lovely morning!

Story Two:

It’s the afternoon. This old woman walks in using a walker, being very dramatic about it. I just know she’s one of “those customers.” She asks for 6 papers, saying her daughter was in the paper. I told her it is $6.25.

She then lifts her shirt up, puts her hand up the shirt all the way to her bra. It’s Summer, so you know she’s got sweaty tits. She digs into her bra, and takes out a plastic zipblock bag. She opens it and proceeds to say “I’ve only got hundreds.” She gives me a $100 bill for $6.25 worth of papers.

This bitch makes me get off my ass to walk all the way upstairs to get change. If only I could have given her only $93.75 in one dollar bills and pennies. But no, we didn’t have that many ones.

So she leaves, and my coworker in a different department told me that her daughter’s OBIT was in the paper. Because I’m a bitch, I didn’t feel bad that she had to pay. I know that’s terrible, but what kind of person takes out a plastic bag from her sweaty tits to give me a $100 bill.

So yeah those are my two Customer Service stories ~of the day~ Hope you enjoyed!


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